Conscious Kink - How Sacred Sexuality Can Deepen Relationships

Nov 30, 2011
Nicci Talbot

Conscious Kink With Sacred Pleasures - iStockphoto

Sacred Pleasures is a London-based organisation offering workshops in sacred sexuality. I went along to find out more about conscious BDSM and urban tantra.

Sacred Pleasures runs workshops and coaching for individuals and couples in conscious BDSM and tantra. I booked in for their 'Pleasure Portals' - four evening sessions exploring a different area of sexuality - conscious touch, urban tantra and BDSM. The aim is to give you a flavour of each so you can follow up on whichever area you’re drawn to. I’ve been doing tantra for a while so was curious to find out more about the ‘conscious’ side of BDSM and how to integrate the two.

Week 1 - Conscious Touch

Conscious touch is about being mindful and touching someone with intent and presence. It's the basis of tantra and BDSM play. Touch is vital yet it’s not something we pay too much attention to – particularly in a non-sexual sense. The way we touch our own bodies during activities such as bathing and self-pleasure says a lot about how we feel about ourselves, body image, and our level of self-esteem.

We did two practical exercises. The first explored setting boundaries and saying yes/no to certain types of touch. We were paired up and took it in turns to initiate and receive. This ranged from a touch on the arm or face to a full body hug. The aim was to practice being vocal and offer guidance with ongoing yes/no responses. I can see the value of this as sometimes during sex we go with the flow to please a lover and don’t always speak up when something isn't doing it for us.

The second exercise involved using one hand to touch with intent so we had to think about the type of touch we wanted to give – healing, sensual or sexual – and use our hand to convey it. Lowrie explained that it's easier to do this using one hand to begin with as you can sense the energy more easily. Visualise transferring energy to your partner and ask them to follow your movements and sense your energy. It was good to differentiate between the types of touch – healing and supportive or sensual, and one participant commented that using your palm feels healing whereas the fingers are great for sensual touch.

I practiced this later in the week - putting on my body lotion more slowly and noticed how being aware increased the pleasure and sensitivity of my skin. It gave me a bit of an energy boost.

Week 2 - Urban Tantra

We recapped the conscious touch exercise first with a partner and later with the whole group. This was followed by an exercise in letting down our masks, which involved moving around the group and making eye contact with each person in turn. Eye contact with strangers can feel a bit uncomfortable to begin with because it's about being 'seen' and present. After a minute or two looking at the same person something shifts and you can really see them - it's like the mask has dropped and you are both there sharing the moment.

Lowrie gave us an overview of tantra and explained how energy works in terms of the seven chakras in the body (our energy centres). Each chakra has a colour and represents a different energy centre (see this illustration for the meanings). Tantra works on opening each one through movement and breath to create a clear channel and get rid of emotional and physical blockages. This leads to healing, creativity and self-expression, and it can also tell you whether you are blocked in a certain area.

The second exercise was a moving meditation done solo on the floor. We started by holding our base chakra and visualising energy circulating through it, repeating this process until we reached the crown chakra. The idea is to imagine a strong field of energy running from above your head through the chakras to your feet, anchoring you. This exercise gave me lots of energy and I felt quite open afterwards, connected to myself and others. I've since found this meditation helps me to shift things, improves my mood and gives me clarity.

Week 3 - Conscious BDSM

Faerie gave a brief overview of BDSM play explaining the importance of trust, consensuality, negotiation and boundaries. I think it’s similar to tantra in that both work on raising energy in the body, clearing blockages, setting an intention, and deepening intimacy by creating a space to let go and be in the moment. They just use different tools to achieve this. The aim of kink play is pleasure and self-expression, and there's joy in pulling down your walls for a while.

We took it in turns to be blindfolded and led around the room. The aim being to take or give up control to develop trust. Asking your partner to fall and telling them you'll catch them enables them to really let go.

The second exercise was an exploration of impact play. We started by touching ourselves to see how it felt, (spanking, hitting, hair pulling etc) to stimulate the endorphins and adrenaline. Once these are flowing your body is open to further stimulation, as pleasure and pain trigger the same chemicals in the body. We then asked our partner to give us a certain type of touch and agreed boundaries. It’s an excellent foreplay exercise, as it teaches you to be specific and ask for exactly what type of touch you want.

Week 4 - A Conscious Play Party

The final week was an overview of weeks 1-3 followed by a conscious play party so we were invited to bring our pervertibles to practice techniques and have a little fun. I have since done a fire and wax workshop with Sacred Pleasures and it was great fun and educational. Education is at the heart of BDSM and you’ll find workshops and munches in larger towns. The other participants were a joy to get to know - open-minded, warm, creative and self-aware, and I've found kink and tantra tends to attract people who are curious, intelligent and open to personal growth.